There was a lot to take in after the session with you so I just concentrated on the main areas we agreed I would work on developing into a new habit: love life, have fun, don’t dwell on imaginary worse case scenarios (a particular favourite of mine hitherto) and to be me ... just me. It’s working and hasn’t let me down once! Life's been really good this week and a huge amount of fun and, yippee, I don’t think it’s a flash in the pan or that I don’t deserve it! It isn’t, and I do!!
The most dramatic influence of my new thinking has been to my sons. I told them why I was going to see you and gave them feedback after my session. They were brilliant!!! I also know if I ever slip up, they will remind me big time!
James (my eldest) stuffed up a few times this week and then waited for me to explode ... I didn’t. My youngest, Edward, has responded to the “new” me by being sweet, considerate and even helpful around the house! We’ve had wonderful, giggly, candlelit suppers together. I’m seeing them both in fresh light, as they are me too. They’re really fantastic kids and without confrontations and screaming (from me), they are even better company than I ever imagined they could be. Home has turned from being a battleground to a tranquil place of purposeful, happy events with kindness and love from one, breeding the same from the others. We’re like the Waltons!!!
I’ve had a few testing things happen this week which normally would have tipped me into the depths of “woe is me” – not so! I made a conscious decision not to let them influence me but for me to influence them. On Tuesday when a 4 x 4 re-arranged the aerodynamics of my 12-year-old rusty car (mercifully no one hurt), I just called someone reputable to come and fix it. The guy who co-starred with me in the collision thought I was in shock as I made such light work of the incident. The crash hadn’t even broken my bottle of fizz (my new resolution is to always have a bottle in the fridge, you never know what you have to celebrate next!) so why worry?
Something far less serious than wrecking the car would have normally had me reaching for my familiar comfort zone of imaginary worse case scenarios. I’d have phoned all my friends some of whom no doubt would have helped me spiral into the doldrums with remarks like “Oh, no! Now what are you going to do? You’re really stuck. You don’t even have the money to pay for it!” Kick, kick while you’re down just in case you don’t realise how awful life is for you!
However, for the first time ever, I didn’t even think of where I would get the money for the repairs - and you know what? The very next day, I got confirmation of a cheque from a source I’d long written off. So, hey presto, I’m going to be mobile again in a few days. Of course it hasn’t stopped my mates delivering their usual scripts. One even said “don’t you feel as though you go from disaster to disaster?” I said I didn’t see any disasters and that life was great to which she sniffed “that attitude can get you into trouble”.
As for my friends? I’m driving most of them nuts! I’m so upbeat the good ones, who are upbeat anyway (and have always been) are delighted for me. I’m planning some good times with this lot. My diary is filling up with all sorts of exciting events. And no, I’m not worried about how I’m going to pay for it or how I’m going to get there, I just know I will.
Just in the last 48 hours, I’ve been invited to spend a week onboard one friend’s boat and another just asked me for a week at their home in the South of France. They are insisting on paying for my flights. One of them said “We haven’t asked any of our other friends because they don’t seem to be happy for us for having acquired this dream 75ft boat after years of hard work but we know you’re happy for us”. Yes, I am – at least now I am anyway, I wasn’t before, which is no doubt why they hadn’t asked me before. I was too jealous before whereas now I suddenly find myself hugely proud of their achievements. I’m going to be like them when I grow up!
The “Eeyore” (the miserable donkey in Winnie the Pooh) ones, aren’t enjoying me very much. They preferred me where they liked me best ... down and out. Too bad! Hasta luego to them! They should carry a warning “beware: this negative person can seriously damage your enjoyment of life”!! It’s funny really, these were the ones who called or texted me 10 times a week, yet since my session with you I haven’t heard from them again. Maybe she was right, that attitude is getting me into trouble!
I’ve also had the best week ever with my boyfriend. The more relaxed I am, the better he has been. So what if he didn’t remember it was Valentine’s Day and is attending a family bash at the weekend instead of seeing me? Poor guy would have got an absolutely roasting for it in the past. Not anymore, I’m “cool and chilled about it ” as my sons would describe! He must have wondered if he’d got the right girl on the phone. He promptly travelled two hours out of his way to have dinner with me and for the first time, asked the boys to join us. And no, I didn’t feel the need to fall into my former obsessive cleaning mode prior to his arrival. I didn’t run around with the vacuum sucking up imaginary dirt and nor did I even put on any makeup. Guess what? He didn’t notice! Better still he mentioned how “radiant” I looked!! Why aren’t my eyes red anymore, and why is my skin so much brighter? Could it be that attitude again?!
The homework you set me was enlightening. I was terrified to tackle the map (of the path I want my life to take). I started with a very feeble “I wish I could have…” and changed it to “I wish I had” and a day later changed it to “I want” and changed it again by day four to “I can and I will have”! For the best part of my adult life, I have had an aversion to dreaming, let alone writing them down. Not any more!
My other assignment to have an honest, down to earth, real me / real him chat with my Dad was just as daunting at first. I love and respect my father and have always given myself standards by which I thought HE would want me to live. No, I’ve never asked him if I was on the right track, I just 'assumed' I was. He’s never criticised me – ever - and has always been supportive. It shouldn’t have been a hard call to make but you said if I didn’t do it as the real me, (and not as the me that I perceived Dad wanted me to be), it wouldn’t work. So I called without a pre-conceived script – just a friend calling another friend. He responded immediately! He sounded 10 years younger and had such a great sense of humour. Why hadn’t I noticed that my Dad has a sense of humour before? Possibly because I used to call him with my “I’m so sensible, aren’t you pleased with me?” face on!
I mentioned (for the first time EVER) the infamous purple hair day of my childhood - 37 years ago (!). He roared with laughter and said he’d been really proud that I was such an extrovert as a child but had never had the guts to say for fear of reprimand from my Mother. She was terrified of her wild daughter going off the rails without encouragement from Dad adding to the risk. Apparently, he’s been worried about me since I “reformed” twenty-five years ago ... My, my and here I was thinking the old boy was a stick in the mud!
I think the biggest credit to your work has to be the fact that I can honestly say I’ve had the best time ever this week and … wait for it ... that I’m writing this at 4.30pm – still in my pyjamas!!!! Yeah sure, I may get up at 5am tomorrow to vacuum but only because I want to, not because I feel I should.
Last night I went to a party that I was hesitating about. I wore the red dress (far too much cleavage, far too short) and said f**k what my [usually] mean and jealous hostess was going to think. She looked very disapproving and hung on to the arm of her lovely (but not my type) husband. “I do hope our husbands are safe with you,” she said. The whole room seemed to go silent and every eye was on me, the scarlet single woman. Normally, I would have completely shrunk away, feeling defeated and desperate. Instead, I looked her in the eye, smiled sweetly and said “Oh your husbands are safe alright. Its your 25 year old sons I’m after!”
Another thing I’ve noticed is that I have so much more energy! It’s not like an adrenalin rush that overwhelms and dies off. It’s a strange calm yet butterflies in my tummy kind of feeling. The same joy of anticipation and confidence that a kid has on Christmas morning that there are treats waiting to be discovered under the tree!
Every day, Concorde flies over my house. I used to resent it because it served as a reminder of how somewhere up there, right now, was a group of successful people to whom it mattered to get there faster than the average man. Today I waited for it to fly overhead. It was a beautiful clear morning, with the winter sun making the frost on my lawn glitter like diamonds (just something else I had never noticed before!). Edward called out “Ma, what are you doing? Was that a champagne cork popping? “ I confirmed it was and that I was waiting for Concorde. He didn’t seem surprised, like it was the natural thing for his Mum to be doing nowadays. Kids adapt so quickly - we can learn a lot from them.
As the elegant arrow outline flew gracefully over me, I raised my glass of fizz to all those on board and promised myself I’d be on that plane too before the end of the year. I’ll drive to the airport in my Boxster “S” which I have no doubt I’ll have by then too!
I never imagined it would make such a difference to see you. I now realize of course there was no way I could have, as I couldn't see what I couldn’t see, and so understand why most don’t even know what to expect from meeting you. I can only hope that endless others get the same incredible opportunity I did. Thank you for helping me find me.
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